One of my favorite tools for figuring out where my reactions come from is asking why. Asking once is helpful enough, but the real value of “why” starts to become apparent when you ask it repeatedly:
“I feel bad right now. Someone insulted me and that hurts.” “Why?” “Because it made me feel worthless.” “Why?” “Because I’m insecure about that area of my life and that insult made me feel like I’m right to be insecure.” “Why?” “Because it means that other people notice. That bothers me.” “Why?” “Because I don’t want to be seen as incapable.” “Why?” “Because I feel like if people don’t think I’m capable, then they’ll hurt me.” “Why?”
If you keep going like this for long enough, then you’ll run out of new answers. Whatever answer you’ve reached at that point is probably the core of the issue.
It might seem strange or irrational. In some cases, it might not seem to logically follow from the previous answer. That’s okay!
You might also stumble across a pair of answers that loop back to each other. This is good too. Whatever comes out as the last “because” is often a good starting point for targeting an emotional sore point. If nothing else, it might make you more aware of the unconscious reasoning behind your actions.