Avoidance is active effort to stay away from something. You might avoid elevators if you’re afraid they might fall, avoid people with blue hats if blue hats are a trigger for you, or avoid going outside if people make you anxious. In some cases, you might avoid things by dissociating instead of physically avoiding them.
Avoidance has practical survival benefits- we avoid things because in the past, it kept us alive. If there were a forest full of tigers, then you would be more likely to survive if you avoid that forest. If someone is abusing you, then avoiding them lets you stay out of harm.
In safer situations, avoidance is a lot less useful. It can stop us from pursuing our dreams, healing our wounds, or expanding our comfort zone. At its worst, avoidance feeds anxiety and traps us in an increasingly small bubble, leaving us unable to seek out the lives we want to live.
While there are still cases where you should avoid things, it’s worth considering whether avoidance also harms you.
- Rationally: is the thing safe? What could you gain by confronting it? What are the risks?
- Would confronting the thing solve an underlying problem?
- Does avoiding this thing stop you from learning something useful or growing as a person?
- Is avoidance getting in the way of doing things you want to do? Does it have a negative impact on your life?
- Is the avoidance getting worse? Is there a feedback loop (you avoid it and feel better, so you avoid more things)?
- Are there other ways that you could safely cope with your feelings other than avoiding what causes them?
See also: Tolerating Uncertainty, Releasing Anxiety, Trauma, Dissociation