Parts influence our thoughts and behaviors by “blending” with Self.
When blended with a part, we perceive the world from that part of ourselves. We see things through their eyes and hold their opinions as our own. Their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs seem attached to us and define how we react to situations.
Self is a bit like a spotlight on a stage. When a part is blended with Self, it’s in that spotlight and has a lot of influence on the system’s thoughts and behaviors. A blended part’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs seem attached to us and define how we behave. When a part isn’t in that spotlight, they’re unblended. This makes it much easier to interact with them without being controlled by them, which in turn makes it easier to release any burdens they carry. This is especially helpful for preventing flooding from exiles.
Blending doesn’t last forever. Parts move through us fluidly, and they blend and unblend with Self many times over the course of the day. It’s also not a process entirely out of your control. Unblending is the practice of asking parts to “step back”, separating from your Self so that it’s able to look at them more clearly.
Blending is a spectrum, not a binary. It’s possible to partially blend with a part or parts. It’s also possible to partially or completely unblend.
How to Unblend
One goal of IFS is learning how to unblend from parts. This is often done by asking parts to “step back” or to look Self in the eyes, but simply noticing that you are blending with a part often unblends them somewhat.
Try the first four Fs for a more procedural method:
- Find the part: scan your body and mind for thoughts, emotions, and sensations that catch your attention. Notice where it appears.
- Focus on the part: focus on what caught your attention. Sit with it for a few breaths and wait. Stay open to anything you experience. Notice what comes up.
- Flesh it out: listen to what comes up. Images, sounds, textures, memories, emotions, voices, names, body sensations… notice it all. Continue to be open to anything you might experience.
- Feel toward: notice emotions and feelings coming from the part you’re focuses on. How do you feel towards them? Are you curious, or do you want them to go away? Are you frustrated with them? Do you want to change them?
Check whether your answers align with the qualities of Self. If they don’t, that’s another part; ask them to trust you to continue / step back. If they won’t, then shift focus to that part and work with them instead.
If you are in Self, then you can proceed to befriend and learn the fears of the part you’re focusing on: Know Your Parts