- It’s okay not to know, both temporarily and forever. Figuring this out takes time, and not knowing isn’t a bad thing. Heck, it can be a good thing in some cases.
- Think critically about the advice you receive. Consider the biases of the authors, and be a skeptic about all of it. Do your research and read opposing opinions as well. If it’s genuinely good advice, then it’ll hold up.
- There are no rules. Just because others have an experience or use a framework doesn’t mean that you have to do the same. Use what works and ignore what doesn’t.
- Doubt/denial masks other emotions and fears. If you resolve the core fears, then doubt/denial often goes away or reduces in intensity. Get curious about what’s behind it.
- All parts of you are trying to be helpful. Yes, even that one voice who tells you to hurt yourself or who acts out. There’s a good intention getting lost somewhere down there, and sometimes all it takes to help them is continued reassurance that you care about them, know they’re doing their best, and want to support them.
- Yelling back doesn’t work. Getting curious and reaching out to try to understand why a voice is upset (without arguing about it!) is what works.
- Asking others to validate you hurts your ability to validate yourself, and there’s no way to answer “am I valid” in the negative without looking like a jerk. Your experiences are real enough to affect you, and that’s all that matters. Learn to be your own support and believe your own experiences. You need to be there for you.
- It’s going to be okay. Nothing has changed about your experiences; you just know now.
Self-authored, 2024