The negative voices in your head aren’t always being literal. That thought of “die” in response to feeling embarrassed may not actually want you to die- it may want you to change something about yourself, which is a metaphorical kind of death. Or it may want you to leave the situation and disappear. Neither of these things are physical death, but they might be the intention behind that sudden thought of “die”.
It’s also worth remembering that these negative or critical voices are trying to be helpful. They may not be the best at doing so in a way that feels kind, but they have a reason to be there. Even the harshest thoughts have a good point to make. Sometimes, that point is “I’m hurting and have no way to express it beyond screaming these things- I don’t want to be mean, but I never learned a better way to communicate this”. Other times, it’s “you’re not listening to me, so I have no better options than being cruel to get your attention.” And other times still, it’s “hey, holy shit, this is a little too close to something I can’t handle, and I’m hitting the big red button to get you to get out of here!”
These voices can turn into your biggest allies if you can decipher what they’re trying to do to help you. They’re your warning alarms, your push to make change, and your defenders. Pay attention to what they’re trying to tell you.
Take the critic less seriously
Working with the critical voice by pretending that it’s a 13-year-old playing Xbox games can help make it more tolerable, but might piss it off further; that said, if it keeps you alive, then go for it.
Make the critic an angry old man or one of the heckler muppets. Whatever you can imagine it as that makes you take it less seriously is good.
Reframe the critic
You have a relationship with the voice of your critic. It’s probably not a friendly relationship, but you have feelings about it, and it likely has feelings about you. Explore that. Why does it feel the need to be mean to you? What does it want, and why does it want it? Even a voice that chants “die” all day has a reason for choosing that (and spoiler alert, You Are Not Inherently Bad)
Working with the critical voice in your head using the toolkits of Internal Family Systems or the Hearing Voices Movement can be pretty effective. They open a dialogue that’s less adversarial than the default relationship between you and your critic.
Learn your critic’s language.
Notice what it says and when it says those things. “You’re an idiot” when failing in front of other people and feeling embarrassed about it, “you should die” when you’re afraid of rejection; find the equivalents for yourself.
What are its go-to phrases associated with? What memories, emotions, sensations, etc. come to mind that are associated with those phrases?
What does it care about? What is it scared of? What is your critic trying to protect you from?
Is it tired?
Listen to the critic
No, don’t hurt or kill yourself. Don’t stop doing art. Don’t recoil from everything and everything. But make space for what it has to say below the surface level; those fears, feelings, and memories.
Teach your critic that you’ll listen to it without the need for cruelty. Does it lash out when you’re rejected? Soothe it, mirror it. Thank it for trying to help. Make it clear that you’re trying your best to understand what it has to tell you.
“It’s scary to know that I could be ridiculed for this, isn’t it? I don’t want that either. Thanks for making sure I knew there was a risk.”
“I hear that you’re scared, and that feeling makes a lot of sense. I’m scared too, but I know I’ll be very disappointed in myself if I don’t do this. I know there’s a risk of things going wrong, but it’s worth it to me, and I’ve done all I can do to prepare for this. I do hear you, though, and I promise I’m taking what you say into account when making this decision. Thanks for looking out for me.”