Do you struggle to know who you are under the weight of who you have to be for everyone else? Do you feel empty and lost for lack of someone to be? Is there a hole where your passions should go? Uh oh! People pleasing is killing you. The only way to know who you are is to stop being someone else.
Be a little ugly, a little weird. I promise life gets better once you decide to live it for yourself.
I think every time I feel an impulse to people please, to be unproblematic and likeable and charming and feel the safety that comes with universal adoration, I need to remind myself that I want to be loved like a person, not like a dog.
kermitlesbian, Tumblr, 2021
I want to share some wisdom from my high school art teacher.
In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought she’d try introducing them a little. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:
“So here’s the thing… I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and you’re doing interesting things with them.
My biggest critique is, I only merely dislike this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Don’t hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me, because I am never going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much you love it.”
Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didn’t limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.
Takeaway here: be as cringe as you want. Don’t limit yourself based on other ppl’s tastes. They’re not you, and you are incredible 💕
switchelsweets, Tumblr, 2023
How to stop isolating yourself? The answer is to give up on code and hidden messages. Love fully and loudly and truthfully and always. Be deliberate. Be open. Feel everything. But won’t it be hard? Won’t it hurt? Yes! Yes.
arthoesunshine, Tumblr, 2022
Woah! Back up! Are you apologizing to them because it’s the right thing to do or because you are trying to soothe yourself by gaining their forgiveness?
desultory-suggestions, Tumblr, 2022
What an exhausting thing it is to be called a hero.
thoodleoo, Tumblr, 2020
If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.
Tim Kreider, I Know What You Think of Me, published June 15, 2013