When they look into mirrors, babies have no idea they’re looking at themselves, at least not for the first eight months or so. Maybe they think they see a plant or a screen saver or another little kid. They’re clueless about the reflected image. Then, something happens around eight months, and a baby begins to realize that the image in the mirror is actually them.
All of a sudden, a lightbulb goes off. There’s a look of wonderment in their eyes. They love what they see! “Hey, that’s me!” They have a full-hearted moment of unconditional love. And what do they do? They lean forward, touch the mirror, and give their reflection a big kiss.
And when you kissed your reflection in the mirror, you didn’t care about your skin color or the shape of your eyes. Every day was a good hair day, and your hips were just fine, thank you. You didn’t care about your zip code, your country of origin, or your status. All you acknowledged was a beautiful child.
What changed between that baby who appreciates her reflection and the person who now looks into the mirror and only sees what’s missing or what’s wrong? What happened to the children we were in first grade, who were so excited to participate that we raised our hands and waved them frantically, saying, “Oh, please, call on me! Please, please, please, call on me!” and not necessarily because we knew the answer. Heck, we might not have been sure what the question even was. But we were so excited to learn and participate. What happened to that burning passion to live fully? And when did this person who counts the hours until the end of the day, can’t wait until Friday, and is slowly counting the years to retirement show up?
What happens to the childlike acceptance of self and others? When do we lose sight of our value? When do we forget how much we have to give? When do we become threatened by anyone who’s different? Those are heady questions, and the answers are complicated enough to require a Ph.D in psychology, I’m sure. I guess a lot of things happen to us that make us question our value, and comparison seems to be one of the main culprits.
Remember that as a baby, you didn’t think about whether you measured up to someone else or whether someone else measured up to you. The reflection of you in the mirror was more than enough to merit giving that reflection a big kiss.
Your true value has nothing to do with the number of crayons in your box. If you place your real value only on things like job titles, the brand of car you drive, vacation hot spots, clothing labels, or the “name” of the schools your children attend, you don’t come out ahead. It’s a bit like those fake houses on movie sets. The front of the house looks real, but behind it, there are no rooms. It’s just a facade with no substance inside.
Develop yourself to the best of your ability, and acknowledge the wonderful things that have happened to you. When you take the time to honestly acknowledge your own accomplishments, large and small, your self-confidence and your self-worth will flourish–and it won’t have anything to do with how you compare to others.
In other words: Stop counting crayons and just draw pictures.
Mark Scharenbroich, Nice Bike: Making Meaningful Connections on the Road of Life (Chapter 4, 2010
Love is the radiance, the fragrance of knowing oneself, of being oneself. Love is overflowing joy. Love is when you have seen who you are; then there is nothing left except to share your being with others. Love is when you have seen that you are not separate from existence. Love is when you have felt an organic, orgasmic unity with all that is.
Love is not a relationship. Love is a state of being; it has nothing to do with anybody else. One is not in love, one is love. And of course when one is love, one is in love – but that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source. The source is that one is love.
Love makes no conditions, no ifs, no buts. Love never says, “Fulfill these requirements, then I will love you.” Love is like breathing: when it happens you are simply love. It does not matter who comes close to you, the sinner or the saint. Whosoever comes close to you starts feeling the vibe of love, is rejoiced. Love is unconditional giving – but only those that are capable of giving are those who have.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (Osho), The Guest (Chapter 6)