The Gift of Fear (Excerpts)
A threat is a statement of an intention to do some harm, period. It offers no conditions, no alternatives, no ways out. It does not contain the words if, or else, until, unless. Sentences that do contain those words are not threats; they are intimidations, and there is an important distinction.
Since the motive for nearly all anonymous threats is to influence conduct, I suggest that clients ask who would be served if they took the actions that they’d take if they believed the threats would be carried out. This often leads to the identity of the threatener.
There is an almost irresistible urge to do something dramatic in response to threats and harassment, but often, appearing to do nothing is the best plan.
We advise clients never to show the threatener a high appraisal of his words, never to show fear.
“If you don’t give me ten thousand dollars, I’ll tell your wife you are having an affair.” Best response: “Hold on a moment, let me get my wife on the line and you can tell her right now.”
If you tell someone ten times that you don’t want to talk to him, you are talking to them—nine more times than you wanted to.
Gavin J. Becker, The Gift of Fear